glorious-spoon:

the-real-seebs:

jumpingjacktrash:

elanorpam:

notyourexrotic:

bonehandledknife:

survivablyso:

bonehandledknife:

lierdumoa:

If a neurotypical asks you, “What game are you playing?” they’re not asking you to describe the game.

They’re asking you if they can play too.

If a neurotypical asks you, “What are you watching?” they’re not asking you to explain the plot of the movie/tv show to them.

They’re asking if they can watch it with you.

.

When neurotypicals ask you “What are you doing?” 

  • What you think they’re asking: “Please explain to me what you are doing.” 
  • What they’re actually asking:  “Can I join you?”

Now here’s the really fucked up part. If you start explaining to them what you’re doing? They will interpret that as a rejection. 

  • What you think you’re saying: [the answer to their question]
  • What they think you’re saying: This is an elite and exclusive activity for a level 5 friend and you are a level 1 acquaintance. You are not qualified to join me because you don’t know all this stuff. Go away.

.

This is why neurotypicals think you’re being cold and antisocial.

IT’S ALL A HORRIBLE MISCOMMUNICATION.

I didn’t realize, even thought it took me almost three decades to learn this, that this was such a paradigm changing realization until we had our conversation today.

But it really really is. One of the most bewildering realizations I’ve had is most people don’t talk to learn things unless its related to work or directly towards their own hobbies, all the words and questions are bonding questions if done socially. They are “lets make friends” questions.

So if I answer their question without an opportunity for the person asking the question to give a response or to join in somehow, the asker feels alienated and starts shutting down.

Example: what are you reading?

True answer but not what they’re looking for: Title of book

Best answer for social scenarios where I want to retain/create friendship: This book is about x and y but it has z that i know u have an interest in too.

Example: what are you doing?

True answer but not: drawing

Best answer for friends: I’m drawing but would u like company while I’m working?

And sometimes frankly I’m not in a headspace where I can process people so the answer is something like, “I would like to do something in a day or later, do you want to plan something?”

Tldr: communication is wierd

HOLY

SHIT

that explains so fucking much thank you

(why the fuck do neurotypicals never just day what they mean ie hey this show looks cool mind if I join you)

Further annoying?

They don’t realize that’s what they’re asking and they just feel rejected and go away. So you can’t even ask them what you did wrong because they can’t even put a finger on why they feel the way they do they just know you made them feel bad for some undefined reason.

They don’t want to impose or be a burden.

oh fuck me so that’s why when little me asked peeps what they were playing and whether I could watch, the answer was “nonya business” and “fuck off” for no reason i could fathom

they assumed i was intruding in their activity and its social circle

fuck my autistic ass finally all that random jerkassery makes sense

dude i just wanted to see how a game boy looked like

gdi nt’s would you please just say what you mean

you don’t ask the real question because you don’t trust me enough to give me the opportunity to say no, and when i answer the question you literally asked, you take that as ‘no’ and get upset

it’s really unfair

i think this is a case where allistics are the impaired ones

I’d point out: This isn’t always true. It’s just often true.

Which is worse.

The reason NT’s don’t out and ask the underlying question is that it’s very socially unacceptable for anyone but a young child to flat-out ask someone ‘can I be your friend?’

This is a really, really vulnerable position to be in, because ‘no, I don’t want to be friends with you’ is a possible answer, which would hurt; asking after a specific activity instead allows for a degree of emotional self-protection. If someone doesn’t act interested in conversing, the rejection is more oblique, and allows the person who started the conversation to withdraw with their ego more or less un-bruised.

Also, (more so in some cultures than others) just making a direct request of someone conveys a degree of social pressure that may be unacceptable; a person who is directly asked ‘can I join you’ might feel pressured to say yes even if they’d rather not.

Differing communication styles.