I don’t think anyone is being served by statements like
“creepiness/boundary crossing/etc is NEVER accidental, it is always
deliberate.” First of all, there really isn’t anything in life that
simple, and second, all these statements do is make it more difficult
for people to process boundary violations from people they trust deeply
and who genuinely seem to improve after being called out. We don’t all
want to go through life cutting off every single person who ever hurts
us.Also like – that statement can be taken to ridiculous extremes, because some people have very unusual boundaries. Like being triggered by a certain type of perfume or something. You can’t twist things so that every person who does X triggering thing in your presence is deliberately fucking with you.
The sad thing, it can even be taken to the extreme to the point of being a legit point used by abusers. After all, some type of abusers constantly expect you to follow a million of implicit rules or else they’ll get irrationally upset, then blame you because “you should have known I can’t stand X! You did it on purpose to antagonize me didn’t you?”. And then you are trapped in a loop of constant emotional terrorism in which anything you do is Bad and Meant to Hurt Them and everything they do to you is Justified because “you are just so terrible all the time, you did it on purpose to set me off, it’s your own fault”.
YES this. This is exactly why I have no come to dislike the concept of punching up/down. Even when you are clearly the antagonist, it can be all too easy to frame other people as hurting you just by existing, so anything you do to them is “punching up” and therefore noble.
this is totally exactly what occured in my abusive relationship, and i want people to be aware that it happens
My mom and I got into a pretty heated argument about how simply forgetting to do a chore was not intentional.
Yep, someone tried to drag me into an abusive relationship that looked just like this.
@primes-girl You need to read this post.
30 Saturday Jan 2016
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